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The Fuzzies

Have you ever had a day when whatever force you ascribe power to seems to be patting you on the back and saying, "You're heading in the right direction, even though you haven't been certain"?

Today was a day like that for me.

I've been a little hesitant to share my spiritual beliefs here, but what I am talking about is a spiritual experience. This reluctance may be because I've had some really shitty experiences with the religion I was raised in, so my ego doesn't want to have people see me as "one of those."

Another reason is that I know whatever I write may not be what I believe in a week, month, or year.

And the written word seems so permanent - permanent in a way my beliefs are not. Permanent in a way humans are not. Permanent in a way I am not.

Either way, I'm not gonna share my specific spiritual beliefs. I'd like to think it's because it doesn't really matter.

I'm gonna flow with it.

Likely thanks to my not-well-known co-worker who shared with a group of us today to "flow like water." Which was a reference to the Bruce Lee quote. A quote I wrote about here months ago and yet had been forgetting about. It was exactly what I needed. Just one example of a day of coincidences, signs, luck, or whatever name makes sense to you.

This day feels like how a lawyer feels presenting the first piece of solid evidence in a line of many, knowing they've already won the trial.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present Exhibit A." And the courtroom goes still and silent, the opposing lawyer hangs their head.

It's not really like that. I have no opposing attorney or jury to convince besides the various pieces of my mind; everything that happened to me today only needed to convince me.

I will not regale you with all the big and little items syncing up to the two bigger questions in my mind. Instead, I will say my friends showed up for me today. Despite our closeness, none of them knew the specific internal questions to which they provided answers. They were like channels directing the flow of consciousness.

Seemingly random electronic communications in various forms showed up for me today in ways that, if I told you, depending on your beliefs, would either make you sit in wonder and awe or label me crazy. (Both reactions are also possible).

Tiny, irregularly shaped pieces from past conversations and books came together to fill in a particularly stubborn area of my life's 3,000-piece puzzle, which has been sitting on my coffee table since 2017.

Sure, the puzzle is unfinished but man, it feels good to see that part more clearly.

When you've spent the majority of your recent experiences in the mindset I have nicknamed 'The Fuzzies' it's hard to get clear about anything. You walk around looking at the world like you're watching a TV from 1987 with a bad antenna placement. It's all a little fuzzy. But these fuzzies help you understand what it looks like when you're clear.

I imagine my somatic coach would ask me "How does this feel in your body?". If she did I would respond.

"Like a fresh spring creek is trickling past smooth pebbles."

In other words, clear.

If you're feeling clear, I urge you to open your windows, stand in the sun, drink water, and laugh with others. These clear moments give the fuzzy moments their context and meaning. The fuzzy moments help us understand what clear moments feel like in our bodies, our minds, and our souls.

So I am not going to worry about the fuzzies return. Although I know they will, I pray I remember the clear in a way that gives me gratitude in both states. And I hope the same for you.

Consider this a pat on your back and a reminder to be like water. Nothing is permanent.


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